his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
