Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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