I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
