Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize