smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Randomize
