you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
