I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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