wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
