I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
