well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
