When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
