No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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