I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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