How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Randomize
