you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
he had hair everywhere except his balls
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Randomize
