put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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