The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
