i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
it's great music for shaving your balls
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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