Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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