Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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