im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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