i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
