I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Randomize
