you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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