Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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