dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
