Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
She announced her abortion via fbk
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
