hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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