there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Just pee around me
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
