guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
