Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I want to walk on stilts...naked
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
We are two peas in an std pod
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Randomize
