we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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