my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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