meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
