she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
