So drunk its hurt
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
It's not a walk of shame if you run
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
