By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Randomize
