Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
