So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
