sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Randomize
