You smell like a Billy Joel song
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
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