You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
