I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
