Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
