I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
