anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize