I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
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