can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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