they said they heard you say put it in my butt
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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