If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I think a kid would responsible me up
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
