return my video game
ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
FUCK WHALES
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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