Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
