I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
