He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
