remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
