woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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