Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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