how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Randomize
