When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
