Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
