You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
