Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
