is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize