i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
