Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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