the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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