I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
