i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
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