...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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