i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
