i can't believe i had my finger in that
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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