you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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