I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
