I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
