There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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