Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Just high enough for therapy.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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