I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
