so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
