No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
