I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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