i permit you to call me
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
