Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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