was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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