Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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