and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
