nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
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